Surprise! 2 NEW Love Languages! Bridge The Love Divide
You might have heard about the 5 Love languages before.
These were derived from the observations of Dr Gary Chapman, author of The 5 Love Languages.
These are universally recognised ways of connection and communication that we prefer to both give and receive love.
When we as individuals, and then as couples, can better understand what these are in order, and can meet our partners in how they best interpret love – even if we ourselves don’t share the same order – we become better listeners, lovers and people together!
We are able to bridge the gap of the ‘love divide’ that shows up when there is little to no awareness.
Traditionally the love languages are:
1. Acts of service
2. Physical touch
3. Gift giving
4. Words of affirmation
5. Quality time
The order of the 5 can vary person to person – but the core elements stay the same…
Until now…
Dr Jan and I are here to shake up tradition, as is our way…
And, with the combined wisdom of head meets heart, today Dr Jan and Ella remind us of 2 NEW Love Languages (added by John Gottman).
Introducing…
THE 7 (yes 5+2) ‘LANGUAGES OF LOVE’
1. Words of Affirmation
Say what you like, admire, and appreciate. Acknowledge work done.
Compliment sincerely. Encourage them. Say things kindly, warmly, truthfully.
Give credit and praise. Say these things both privately and in front of others.
2. Quality Time
Do things with them that they enjoy and do them wholeheartedly. Focus on your partner as well as the activity so they get a sense of ‘togetherness’.
Quality conversation is one way of spending quality time together.
3. Gifts
Gifts are a tangible expression of love. They can also show the value we place on our partner. Take the trouble to learn what they would like. If you have to go to some trouble to secure it, all the better. Giving when we feel the cost of it can say ‘you mean more to me than the money’. But gifts do not have to be expensive.
4. Acts of Service
Do things they would really like – not what you’d like. Put some thought, time, and effort into the act. Do with a positive spirit, not grudgingly just to get your partner off your back. Acts of service are above the shared responsibilities of working and raising children together. Men and women often differ on whether doing jobs around the house are acts of love or ‘doing one’s share’.
5. Physical Touch
This covers light touching, stroking, and holding hands to hugging, kissing, and sex. It should be done in a way that your partner experiences as soothing, communicating delight, pleasure, attachment, security or desire. It includes holding your partner during emotional pain or sadness if that is acceptable to them.
6. Soul Sharing
This is a variation on quality time spent together talking. The type of talk is ‘deep talk’ -sharing one’s inner life, one’s most significant feelings, thoughts, yearnings, vulnerabilities, beliefs and dreams.
7 Romantic Experiences
This focuses on creating extra-ordinary beautiful or meaningful activities for your partner that express their unique place in your affections and your devotion to them. Examples include giving love notes, arranging beautiful dinners, arranging the environment with evocative lighting and perfumes for lovemaking.
We invite you now to feel into each of these languages of love for yourself.
Just gift yourself a moment today to sit in quite refection and meditate on the following questions:
Where do you feel the most GIVING in love ?And how do you most love to RECEIVE love ?In what order?
You can only take responsibility for you in a relationship so remember to ask yourself:
Where can I begin to bring more presence and attention to those areas where I most desire to receive?
Am I aware and asking for what I deeply need?
Now reflect on your partner…
Do you know their unique love languages?Are you meeting your partner in the way THEY wish to receive?
So much room and opening for great conversations and intimate connections can occur when we simply bring our presence to never assuming and instead being curious and asking… ourselves and others.
Enjoy the practice.
With love – in ALL languages!